This Thursday I’ll be having a hysterectomy. The word itself is rather scary and conjures up fear in the minds of most women and men who nurse their women friends or lovers back to health.
For me, I’d be lying it I didn’t say I am scared or nervous, but for the most part I’m excited about a new chapter of my life without my sick old friend. You see, my friend, as I dearly refer to my uterus, gave me four beautiful children. Now, she is old, sick and worn out. She served her purpose well, but now she is a constant throne in my side, well actually my gut, and it’s time to bid her farewell.
It is not without trepidation that I do so; I am not convinced that I can cut out a part of my body and carry on without my body needing time to fill the space. Years ago, I had a tooth pulled and had to have an implant because, as the doctor explained it, teeth need the pressure of the other teeth to keep them strong. It seems we have 26 teeth for a reason and I suspect our larger bodies are not so different.
Yet, I’m prepared for whatever comes, though how I say this, without knowing what will come, is mind-boggling. I am, because I’m ready to say goodbye. I’m ready to reclaim my life, to be able to run, lung and lift, more importantly to be able to piggyback the kids and race them on the beach. I will take what comes because it will be better than where I’m at today.
It has taken me years to get to this decision- to let my womanhood go. It sounds crazy, but yes, I associate my womanhood with my right and ability to give birth. Age is a wonderful thing, it has helped my mind catch up to my body and accept that it is time to say goodbye. On Thursday I will do so.
Wow that’s scary, but I will not dwell on the surgery nor on the recovery – they will both happen and I will recover so no point in worrying. Instead I’ll focus on what I can control. How my mind reacts to all of this, I can and will focus my mind on healing my body, on recovering and on visualizing myself healthy running on the beach with the kids. This is a positive happy visualization, one that I can sink my mind into and focus on to get well quickly.
As I see it, if I focus on the post-surgical pain, the loss of my friend and frankly the poor me recovery period I will dampen my own recovery. I am choosing to look past all of this into the future – at how I am 6 and 8 weeks from today, how strong I will be a year from now.
I’m excited about my new life without my friend. She has played an amazing role in bringing my life to where it is, without her I would not be who I am today. I love her, thank her and bid her farewell.
A new chapter of life begins, one where I accept my womanhood without a uterus, one where I love and accept my new modified self fully and completely. In this transition, my world will open as I flower into new areas of development. I am excited and full of anticipation.
I’ve needed this surgery for nine years, it’s taken me that long to accept and make the decision. Sometimes we have to be kind and give ourselves the time we need, I did and I know it was worth it. In the end only I could choose – I chose health.
Is there something you’ve been putting off that you need to make a decision about? What will you choose? Maybe you need a little time, that’s ok, take the time. Preferably not 9 years. In the end, after I made the decision it felt like a massive oppressive weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes the hardest decisions bring us the greatest relief.
If you’re struggling with a decision and want to talk feel free to drop me a line by clicking the share your story link.
As always, I’d love to stay connected and invite you to leave a comment below.